Sunday, February 27, 2011

Snooki in Wonderland best book of 2011!!!!

I was so excited about this when I first heard about it. But alas it is not to be. This literary masterpiece is only available on the kindle and not the nook. It was a sad day for me. Here are some highlights of the greatness.








Saturday, February 26, 2011

Yet Another Jersey Shore Post

It seems like everyone from Jersey Shore is coming out with a book. I always knew they were a literary group.



First up is The Situation. I downloaded the sample but it only gave me a few pages to read and I wasn't excited. He seems to be trying to help the fellas out with the ladies. Whatever.




Next is the offering by Snooki. When I was perusing the reviews on amazon.com and found what I thought was a listing of chapter titles by someone named Muraenidae who is awesome by the way. Turns out these are not the chapters of the book. The book is a lame novel. I wish this was the real book.


Chapter 1: How to get the perfect spray tan

Chapter 2: There are no limits to your alcohol intake

Chapter 3: Why to never wear panties

Chapter 4: Antibiotics are your friends

Chapter 5: Poofs, Bumpits, and Ed Hardy hats

Chapter 6: Pickles and other phallic diets

Chapter 7: How to take a face punch

Chapter 8: Self-centered - How to live it

Chapter 9: On the island of reh-tards; I reign queen

Chapter 10: Why I am better than Paris Hilton, Tila Tequila, and LiLo
This would have been a great book. Sad that this wasn't it.




Jwow however has a book with actual interesting chapter titles like: Don't smush too soon, Kiss his mothers ass, If a guy's gonna stare at your boobs and ass, they better look decent. It goes on and on... I might even get this book for fun. She gives advice on how to be a skank. I mean skank in the nicest possible way.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Whaa?

These are the things you find while up all night.

From vat19.com

Want a 3 lb gummi worm?? Yummy.

Q: You guys know you're worm looks like a double headed dildo right ?
A: Yeah, we knew that. It's impossible to make a giant worm that doesn't.











Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Nom Nom Nom


Oh my goodness. Subway. Raspberry. Cheesecake. Chocolate. Chip. Cookies. There is a god.
I don't want to shill for Subway but these cookies rock. They combine my two favorite desserts in one. Plus all footlongs are 5 dollars this month. And you all know how much I love a hot meaty foot long.
I am talking about the sandwiches right?
Maybe...

Monday, February 7, 2011

hmmm....



Happy Birthday Mr. President.


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Update #6 Practice?


I have been joking I wanted a Shake Weight. I told a friend that is what I wanted for my Birthday and when they came to visit they brought it for me. Awesome present. Ha.


I took it to work and it was much enjoyed. Jokes and innuendo all around. The video that comes with the Shake Weight is hilarious. The reach around or move where she uses the Shake Weight behind her is funny. I haven't used it actually get a workout yet but I have seen the SNL skit and the Southpark episode.


I should start using it. I can even take it to work and practice? Practice what?

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Conspiracy theory

I think the universe hates me.

Some minor yucky things have happened to me lately.

Evidence #1- My feelings were hurt. Lets just leave it at that.

Evidence #2- I fell down some stairs and got all bruised up.

Evidence #3- Lost my keys at the Walmart. This is a horrible feeling and I don't wish it on anyone. Keys were found luckily but it was stressful until they were.

Evidence #4- My car was vandalized in my work parking lot. Someone tried to break into one of the neighboring businesses and kicked in my passenger side door when they left. Lame. Now my car has a stupid dent that I can't afford to fix.

Why all these minor and not so minor inconveniences?

I think they happened to remind me I am still alive. To wake me up maybe. Time to move on.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Dexter or the things you don't know about me could fill the Grand Canyon

Love love loving Dexter. I am only on season two but I am liking it a lot. It doesn't hurt that writers from Buffy sometimes write for the show. I do like a bad boy.


This show is dark, funny and makes you think. Kinda gets me thinking about my dark side or everyone's dark side. You never really know what is going on with someone. You think you know but you don't. You only really ever know what your perception of them is. This has become especially apparent to me lately.

I think we all have a dark passenger riding along with us. Only some of us let them lead.



I just know there's something dark in me and I hide it. I certainly don't talk about it, but it's there always, this Dark Passenger. And when he's driving, I feel alive, half sick with the thrill of complete wrongness. I don't fight him, I don't want to. He's all I've got. Nothing else could love me, not even... especially not me. Or is that just a lie the Dark Passenger tells me? Because lately there are these moments when I feel connected to something else... someone. It's like the mask is slipping and things... people... who never mattered before are suddenly starting to matter. It scares the hell out of me. -Dexter Morgan




Thursday, February 3, 2011

Update #5 Help I've fallen and I can't get up!


I went walking a few times which is a triumph. I rarely exercise for 3 days straight. Never would be more like it. I did it this time.


3. days. in. a. row.


Then....


I was returning home from doing some laundry and I was heading down the cement stairs to my apartment and I fell. Tumbled would be more like it. I tumbled down the stairs. I bumped my head and bruised pretty much everything. I was worried that I had broken my leg but it was badly bruised. It still is. My leg is slowly getting better so walking is on hold until it heals a little more.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Update #4

Due to lack of access to the interwebs this is a little late.

I do a good job eating healthy half the week but the other half thingngs can go downhill. Still better than I was doing when it was all down hill.

I have had a personal matter that has had me down. Pretty down and then this situation turned round and I was a wee bit angry. OK that is not true. I was pissed off. Shaking mad. I don't think I have ever shook from anger before but I did. I was frustrated and hurt. Yes folks my feelings were hurt in a big way. I went over to my grandmothers house for a minute and then I went for a drive. While on the drive I decided to get something to eat. I was not hungry but I needed something to dull the pain. Nothing sound good and I realized that food wasn't going to make me feel better. I drove home. When I got home I was still upset and it was too late to get any good hard liquor. I don't drink anymore by the way but it has worked in the past. I decided to go for a walk. You know what it helped. Some of the stress was relieved. This is something I need to keep up.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Wo ist Lemmiwinks?


I know it is super boring when people share dreams but I had one that I feel was important. It was just my mind sorting out some issues. It went as follows:


The dream starts right in the middle of a conversation just like the movie Inception tells us.


I was in a hall way discussing whether or not to buy a gerbil. I was with a man and we were buying the gerbil together. His face was blurred but in the dream I knew who he was even if I couldn't see his face. We were deciding whether to buy this gerbil that we had in a little pen on the floor. The gerbil jumped out of the pen and neither of us reacted quick enough to catch it. It ran off and disappeared. I was searching and searching for it. The man disappeared as well but someone who I admire for their strength and leadership was helping me look. Oh, also I covet this persons marriage as well it seems to be pretty happy. They were helping me looking and form a game plan for finding the missing rodent.


I was looking and looking all over a cluttered house. I was pretty frantic overturning everything. It was not my home or my things but it was full of stuff and cluttered like mine is. I was looking everywhere but could not find the gerbil. I also noticed that children lived here but they were not mine. And before any Richard Gere jokes come in no the gerbil was not hiding in someones bunghole.


It was a stressed situation looking for the missing gerbil. There were some mafia type gangster guys outside with guns pressuring me to return him. I am not sure why they were so concerned with a small animal maybe they owned the pet store who knows.


I finally had to admit that the gerbil was lost. Gone. Not to be found and I had to face the music. Then I woke up.


I figured out what it meant. I had a friendship that I thought was special and it came to an end. I was pretty broken up about it and pretty sad. The dream told me I had to admit that the gerbil was gone.


fin