Monday, December 27, 2010


I want to start an accountability group. They are a new trend, they tend to be career related but I would like to start one for health related goals. Is this something other woman & men would be interested. There would be no charge to join.

We could have a monthly or weekly meeting or just meet online via facebook to discuss our goals. I think it would be a good way to get support and be accountable for what you do. And no costs. If a member wants to, they can put away 5 or ten dollars a week and when they reach their goal they can treat themselves to something special. Instead of paying weight watchers to monitor your weight you can pay yourself.

I am just looking for some feedback from others. Let me know what you think. Comment or send me a message via fb.

You can also email me at

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Songs I heart

New favorite song of the moment. Try by Melissa Polinar she is amazing and so talented. Plus Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses. One of the few Xmas songs I can stand.

oh and Happy Christmas!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Give up the ghost

It is time to give up the ghost. I really have to get motivated to lose weight this time.

I have some health issues which I would rather not get into . I have to give it up and make some changes. This realization of this is strange. I am a little scared at this prospect. I say I am up for change but when it comes down to it I guess I am not. It is hard to let an addiction go. It has been with me for a long time.

Because I don't want to join any of the popular companies to help me lose weight I am going to document it here. I need some kind of accountability. I think I am going to go vegetarian I go back and forth every once in a while. I plan to transition slowly to a mostly vegan diet.

My goal for the next week is to plan out my meals and watch portion sizes and only eat when I am hungry. Exercise for at least 20 minutes twice.

I will be back next week to follow up on how it went.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I don't miss you, I miss who I though you were.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

27 names for tears

BUFFY: (with contempt) But what else could I expect from a bunch of low-rent, no-account hoodlums like you? Hoodlums, yes, I mean you and your friends, your whole sex, throw 'em in the sea for all I care, throw 'em in and wait for the bubbles, men with your groping and spitting all groin no brain three billion of you passing around the same worn-out urge. Men! With your ... sales!

I think there is beauty in everyone. Well most everyone. I can't even find someone attractive until I know their personality and sense of humor. The littlest things can make a person beautiful.

I would make a list but it just makes me sad.

I am tired of being a less than attractive girl. A girl who has close male friends who tell you all their secrets and who have a great time laughing with you but who go on to date someone or attempting to date someone who doesn't get them. But she is hot. I guess that is all that matters in the end.

I am tired of relationships that never go anywhere. I am reminded over and over that I am not good enough. Not good enough to be the girlfriend. Good to hang out, but not go out.

I am sick of it. Sick of it completely and I give up.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Christmas present to myself

I usually buy myself something that I want for Xmas. There is no one to buy these things for me so I don't bother to even ask. I just get it for myself. I usually get myself something around Thanksgiving time, I am impatient.

This is how I acquired my ipod, and DS lite.

This year I bought the Nook Color. This is Barnes and Nobles touch screen book reader. It has some of the capabilities of the iPad without the price. I like the Nook so far. I haven't read a whole book cover to cover on it yet because I have lots of those old fashioned paper books to read still. It has a Pandora app on it that I love love love. And internet capability which is nice.

I guess I will have to read to a few books to see what I really think. The only thing I don't like so far is that I cannot bookmark my pdf books only the epub books. That is lame.

Monday, December 20, 2010

I am going to join the circus.

It is obviously where I belong.

Bai Xishun- worlds tallest man

Terri Smith- 700 pounds

Rose Siggins- Only has her top half of her body

Christine Ray- Worlds smallest mom.

Lee Redmond- Longest fingernails

The man covered in tattoos to look like a reptile.

Grady Stiles- Lobster Boy

What do all these people have that I don't? They are all married or were married at one point. These people could be considered different and outside what is considered the norm in looks. They all found a mate. Why can't I? I must have some horrible flaw. When I find someone I can't seem to hold on long enough or I want what I can't have. When I say I am attracted to unavailable men I mean it. I could go into it but most of it is just best left alone.

When will it be my turn? When I lose weight? I don't know I see lots of big girls who have men and not all of them got fat after marriage.

Then again. If I don't join the circus I will just stay inside since I am too hideous to be seen in public or be photographed.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

I am a Disney character.

Yes I am. I meet the main requirement. I am an orphan. Think about it. Almost every main character in a Disney cartoon since the beginning has been an orphan of sorts. They are missing at least one parent.

Little Mermaid
Snow White

I could go on and on. They are orphans (missing at least one parent) and they all face some kind of villain or obstacle. Only with me I am the obstacle. I am my own worst enemy. I am always lurking behind every corner making sure I don't get ahead that I am never happy. I go out of my way to sabotage myself. I need to find a way to escape. What would Belle do?

Saturday, December 18, 2010

I see. If you lose someone you love...the other people in your life who care about you...become meaningless. -Giles

This is from Buffy. Giles is trying to get through to Willow who is on a killing ramage to avenger her slain girlfriend.

This quote comes to me because I have been ignoring others. I didn't "lose" someone I loved like Willow. I did lose something and I have let it get the better of me.

I have been stuck in a hole of sorts. I promise to try to find my way out but just let me feel what I am feeling right now. Repressing things never got me anywhere.

Friday, December 17, 2010


This is Bella. She is spoiled. She barks at people walking by, and cars passing by and the wind. She only wants to eat what you are eating. She has no interest in her food. She will steal gum out of your purse and chew it. She will chew up your markers. She brings in twigs and bugs from the yard to dirty up the living room. She doesn't always go outside to use the restroom. She needs to be petted an awful lot. She is pretty needy. This is something I have been accused of myself. I didn't like being called this so don't tell her.

She will be excited when her mommy Dorothy comes home.

She is despite all I have said a good companion. She does not judge and she will sit and watch TV with you. (as long as you pet her) I just wish I wasn't allergic to her.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Playlist for the week

1- I Think That I Would Die- Hole (angry song that relieves stress been using it as catharsis since 1995)
2-Dear John- Taylor Swift (the girl in the dress cried the whole way home gets me every time)
3-Last Kiss- Taylor Swift
4- The Perfect Fit- Dresden Dolls
5- Pretty Things- Tony Lucca (one of my fav songs ever)
6-The Last Day of Our Acquaintance- Sinead O'Connor
7- Everywhere I Go- Lissie
8- Afterglow- Vanessa Carlton
9- Glitter in the Air- Pink
10- It Doesn't Matter- Allison Kraus
11-All I Ever Wanted- Basshunter
12- No Matter What You Do- Benny Benassi

At least there is no John Mayer but then one of the songs is about him so I guess he made the list anyway. And yes most of these are sad songs. I can't even articulate my feelings right now. Am I sad, hurt, mad? Not sure or maybe all of them right now. As to why there is techno on the list, its complicated it reminds me of something that used to make me happy.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


Adjective: In low spirits from loss of hope or courage

This is me.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I have a dirty little secret...

I loathe this but I have a confession to make. This is hard to admit especially after this post. Here it goes..... I love John Mayer. Yes it is true. I do love a bad boy. He is one, although a little on the douche bag side. After I wrote about his heartbreaking ways I was curious so I listened to his music. Pretty much all of the albums. I have to say I liked all of it especially the new album Battles. My fave songs are:

1. Crossroads: there is a break at 1:06 on the album version and at 2:12 in the video I posted. All I can say is amazing. This song is very sexy and he is a bad ass guitar player.

2. Who Says: Cute little song I like a simple arrangement which he uses often.

3. Friends Lovers or Nothing: The lyrics are so true.

4. Say: I like this song even though I don't believe the lyrics. I am not so sure you should tell someone how you feel in every situation. I do like the sentiment he has to say in the song. Maybe I just need to take down some walls.

Plus he is kinda cute.

There I said it.

Friday, November 19, 2010

The multiverse and me

I have been pretty obsessed with Brian Greene. I think I have a little crunch on him. Smart is sexy. I have been reading The Elegant Universe and listening to Radio Lab podcasts about multiverse theory. It blows my mind and got me interested in science again.

So to sum it up in the easiest way possible, if you were able to travel fast enough and far enough away you would find universes that are exact copies of ours. Exactly the same, you would be the same, everything the same even the same crude stuck in your work keyboard. You know the gross crumbs, eyelashes and other assorted flotsum that live under the keys. Everything would be the same, and there are hundreds or thousands of these universes that are the exact same as ours. You are there doing the exact same thing that you are doing here now.

There could also be other universes where everything is the same except one small aspect. You are there but in this universe you are slightly different, maybe an inch taller or wearing a different color shirt, or maybe in this verse you don't exist.

All this multiverse stuff can really mess with your sense of identity. Who are we? Who are we if there are thousands of other copies of us out there? It brings up a lot of questions. I am not going to attempt to answer any of these questions right now as I don't have any answers.

All this multiverse stuff does get me thinking. If there are hundreds of copies of me out there in the many universes then I feel pretty pathetic. That means I am failing at life like a thousand times. Really? This is all I need. I am trying to think of a way to word this so that no one refers me to a suicide hot line... I have really wasted a lot of time, now I learn that I have wasted it countless times. I need to improve my lame life. For all of those copies of me in the other universes even though they are thinking the same thing right now too. I am failing at life like a thousand times.

Or....maybe I am the one off, and all the other copies of me are successful. They are able to get themselves together, finish school, have a successful relationship blah blah blah. All of those things that I seem unable to accomplish. If that is the case I need to get myself together just to show up those other bitches who have got it right.

Or maybe I should just forget this whole thing and jump into the next black hole I come across.

Lady Gaga Covers

Another Lissie post. I am loving her music. This cover of Bad Romance is awesome but not to be outdone by TheManiaMusic from youtube:

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Ma Cobb would be so proud

So I saw this picture. I think on one of the affiliated failblog websites. It is all over the interwebs. I think people were saying she was dressed as a turkey. When I looked at it I knew immediately that she was dressed as Jayne Cobbs hat from Firefly. Some interweb searching proved this to be true. Awesome costume honoring a great piece of wardrobe from an even greater show. I think next year for Halloween I will go as a sweater vest as worn by Topher on Dollhouse.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Everywhere I Go by Lissie

I just listened to this song 5 times in a row. It is the only thing bringing me some semblence of peace right now. I am holding off on writing about what the problem is until I get a better grasp of what I want to say.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

21 Jumpstreet

I have been viewing the first season of 21 Jumpstreet and I have been loving it. True it has cheesy 80's stuff, and gets a little preachy. This show still rocks. How can you not love a young Johnny Depp? So cute and dorky. When I watched it the first time around I had a little crunch on Peter DeLuise. The biggest surprise is how those 80's undercover cops are able to solve crimes without computers and forensics. Wow they were good.

Someone may or may not be getting raped?

The only thing I enjoyed about Predators were the inappropriate comments by the convict character.

Stans: You know, man, if we ever make it home, I'm going to do so much %$*$ing cocaine. I'm gonna rape so many fine bitches. I'll be like, "What time is it? After 5:00? Damn. Time to go rape me some fine bitches."

I am not ashamed to admit that this made me laugh.

This brought me to question why I enjoy such inappropriate humor? Why? I do like to joke around and make people laugh and I think I like to play a part. And if that part is being shocking then so be it. I do enjoy pushing boundaries. I agree with Chelsea Handler that you should be able to joke about things that are usually inappropriate.

oh and on a side note. I will be vacillitating between funny posts and depressing emo-like posts. Deal with it, it is where I am at right now. I may be depressed but I haven't lost my sense of humor.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Wish List

Since Christmas is around the corner, I thought I would compile a list of things I would like to receive.

1. Ski Mask. Well scratch that I can probably make one.

2. EMP bomb

3. MI34 General Electric Minigun

These items are strictly for "research" purposes for a writing project I am working on. Yeah a writing project. They have all been added to my wish list.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Open letter to John "Sexual Napalm" Mayer

Dear John,

Your music is fine with me. I enjoy your albums as much as the next person enjoys saltine crackers when they are thirsty. You do play guitar well and you were really funny on Chappelle Show all those years ago. This letter is not about your professional career. It is about your love life. I am imploring you to stop dating all these Hollywood starlets. You are ruining them. You are turning them into dried up, unsuccessful spinsters.

Lets look at your past exploits.

First up is Jennifer Love Hewitt. She had a promising TV and music career until you had your way with her. What has happened to her? Besides that show about ghosts or something on the old people network what does she have going for her now? She goes on talk shows and talks about bedazzling her vajayjay. Plus she has a failed engagement to this guy:

Next up is Minka Kelly.

Who is she you ask? Exactly. You got to her before she could ride out her Friday Night Lights fame. Picture above is at the end of your relationship I am sure. You are checking out your next conquest.

Do I even need to address this one. What did you do to poor Jessica Simpson? Broke her heart that's what. I am sure if you had never gotten together she could have rebuilt her pop music career. Now she preforms at chili cook offs wearing mom jeans.

What I don't understand is why she was so mad at your comments about your sex life with her. I would love to have someone say: "Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say," he continues. "It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*****' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f****** you.'"you.'"

I dream of the day someone says that about me.

And worst of all is what you did to America's Sweetheart. She is a poor, bitter, sad woman who wanders the beach alone. She only has her dogs, super hot body and millions of dollars to comfort her. Why why did you ruin her? Why?

Last but not least is little Taylor Swift. Don't wrong this sweetie cause she will write a song about you as you have now learned. Her new album contains songs allegedly about Taylor Lautner, Joe Jonas, Kanye West, mean girls from junior high, a bad manicurist, and of coarse YOU Mr. Mayer. You broke our girls heart and she wrote an amazing song about it. So I guess something good came of this whole mess.

Please stop dating and become a monk or eunuch John. Womankind has seen enough of you.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

No more wallowing.

I need some major cheering up. I tried watching my favorite youtube video of people being owned by exercise balls but to no avail.

Any ideas?

I think I need to get out of this slump.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Down Fall Day 3

Nuclear fission and me

Atom: the name atom comes from the Greek "ἄτομος"—átomos (from α-, "un-" + τέμνω - temno, "to cut"[2]), which means uncuttable, or indivisible, something that cannot be divided further.

This is me. I cannot be divided further. I feel like my hopes have been shattered. A large hammer came down and smashed it all to pieces.

Atoms can be split and divided into smaller pieces. Hmm... maybe I am nuclear powered now. Or maybe I will just explode.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The downfall. Day 1....

I'm only happy when it rains.

I am usually pretty happy when it rains. The sounds of water like rain, waterfalls, bubbling streams usually makes me happy. Except maybe the sounds of water in the bathroom. Those don't quite do it for me. Usually rain lifts my spirits I get a little giddy. Today it has rained all day and it has done nothing for me. Not even on the drive to work with the little rain droplets hitting my windshield. All those little droplets of rain coming at me and I didn't even smile.

The reason behind this melancholy is because I dropped the stone. I have had a stone in my hand for months, this stone caused me happiness and joy. Worst of all it made me hope. Made me hope that things would get better. That things would work out for me.

As time went by I realized that this stone could not make me happy. It was the source of my happiness but it could never make me happy.

This last week I let the stone go. I dropped it into the ocean. I watched it descend into the depths of the water. Falling, falling slowly to the bottom. When it reached the bottom I lost hope. I feel empty. Dead. Incomplete. Like I have nothing left. I had to let it go because it was pointless. When is it going to work out for me? It seems like never sometimes.

So I will drift slowly slowly to the bottom. Watch me drown.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Nobel Prize Nominated Blog

I recently learned that nomination remain secret until you are dead or 50 years has passed. But I am telling the world yes I was nominated. It really spruces up those job interview.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A life less ordinary.

This is what I want. A life less ordinary. I have never wanted to lead a normal life but somehow I am just living a boring life. True this summer has been pretty good. I am trying to break out of my depressed rut that I have been in for quite a while. I am trying to be spontaneous and do new and fun things.

I want adventure and travel, not the house and nice furniture. I don't care if I am broke the rest of my life as long as I am fulfilled. Though I don't want a traditional life doesn't mean I want to spend it alone. I do want someone in my life but it seems I have the inability to make that happen. I have the market cornered on having half relationships and complicated friendships. I am sick of both.

Instead of worrying about finding a relationship I am going to let it find me. I am going to find adventure instead.

If anyone has any ideas on how to live a more fabulous, adventurous life I am all ears.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Why Oh Why???

Why am I so addicted to this show??? Why?
Let me count the ways that I love The Jersey Shore.....

5- They seem to forget that they are being filmed? How are you going to keep a secret if you are being filmed?? Duh!

4- Tans. I like a good tan and am jealous of everyone on the show and their leathery orange skin.

3- Fights. The fights on this show are great especially the girl on girl fights. "Hold my earrings"

2- Two words" T-shirt Time!!
1- The Lingo. Jersey Shore brings us these great additions to the English language:

GTL fresh to Death: Gym Tan Laundry something that needs to be done daily.

Grenade- Bigger ugly chick

Juicehead: Someone on steroids or someone who works out so much they look like they are on steroids

Gorilla: Same as above I guess

Smush: Doing it

Get It In: Doing it

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Top Six

Top six songs I am listening to right now.

1- Awake My Soul- Mumford & Sons
2- Addicted to Love- Florence and the Machine
3- Airplanes- B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams
4- The Only Exception- Paramore
5- Summer Nights- Lil Rob
6- Hold Tight- Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick & Tich (But I can't drive while listening to this song because of the movie Death Proof.)

Just thought I would share something pointless...

Every week I promise myself that I will tell them.

I will tell them and things will change. My life will start. Every week I think of what to say and how to do it. Then the moment passes and I don't do it. Then I have to wait a whole week again for my life to start.

The truth is I don't want to know what the answer is. I think I like the uncertainty, the not knowing.

I have a feeling I won't like the answer.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Mr Mouse Takes a Sail

I went to my aunt Nancy's house on Thursday to get some sun. I need to maintain my tan or I won't be able to list tan as my race on government forms. So the pool was too cold to swim so I was just going to put my feet in and enjoy the sun and what do I see?

Well not this exactly.

I saw what I thought at first was a stuffed animal on a piece of foam. I poked the raft with a floaty tube and the stuffed animal moved. It was a live mouse afloat in the pool.

I went and told Nancy and she came out. My first instinct was to kill the little disease carrying rodent. Nancy scooped him out of the pool and into an unnamed neighbors yard. He deserved to live, he had managed to survive a night on that little raft. I hope he lives a long life and tells his progeny of his adventures on the high seas.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Addicted to Love

I am love love loving this song right now. It is a cover of the original Robert Palmer song. Florence's version takes it up a notch and makes you rethink the whole song. At least I did. I love it, it is a sexy slowed down rendition and I can't stop listening to it.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Word of the Day!!!

Todays word is: Screwicide

I came up this word to describe some self destructive behavior. (I checked my friend google and discovered the word I thought I had made up was not mine originally. My definition is original I hope)

Screwicide: The act of ruining a relationship, job, anything really at the first sign of stress. A person who screws themselves over intentionally.

Ivanna's boyfriend went out with the boys, she was upset so she committed screwicide and got drunk with an ex.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I heart Post Secret

Every Sunday I look forward to the new Post Secret update. It makes me laugh, and cry every week.

Images found at

Friday, September 3, 2010

What makes a stalker?

I wrote this a long time ago and thought I would post it now that it really doesn't apply to me.

If you ever say the words “I’m not a stalker or anything”, you my friend, are a stalker.

If you have a shrine to someone you haven’t dated in a long time, you are quite the stalker. For your information four months is a long time. Don’t try to trick me with your Stalker Math.

If you PLAN accidental meetings more than once, with someone who has previously rejected your affections, you are also stalkerazzi.

If you’ve been told repeatedly that your advances are unwanted, and yet… continue to pursue in any way, shape or form, you are a stalker. Piners love from afar and in solitude, not on my front steps at four in the morning. (I consider myself a piner not a stalker I can pine for years generally speaking. I do have some stalkerish leanings but I back off before law enforcement gets involved. Once I know your birthday I am usually good.)

If you’re calling my phone hoping to get my voicemail just to hear my voice, yes sir, you are my stalker. (Yes I have done this.)

If you’re harassing my friends for news about me because I’m NOT TALKING TO YOU, then oh yeah – you’re a friggin stalker. And a loser, because it takes a lot for me to just stop talking to someone.

However, if you just really like someone, and you’re shy, and you’re making polite advances that aren’t being taken as advances, so you very sweetly try again, with some cookies or other baked goods. And if you’re just really enthusiastic and kind of sweet, yes, even if the person you love doesn’t love you back. To love someone when there is no chance of that love ever thriving, that is romance.

It’s actually kind of sexy. What’s your number?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Sunday, August 22, 2010


I need to be clearer when I ask the universe for something. I was asking and asking for lets just call it Fetticuni Alfedo, but what I am getting is Lasanga. Both are good, but I was in the mood for the first one. Come to find out it is not on the menu. Lasanga is, so the question is should I wait for what I wanted, it may never come or take what is being offered. I guess I could try something new and still wait for the Fetticuni.

Universe I want Fetticuni.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

When someone thinks the world of you, be careful with them. - Margaret Cho

I find this to be true. I have been on both sides of this. I use quotes too much to express how I feel I need to start writing my own quotes.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

I need to get something done before the Hoarders crew comes over to film my apartment. It looks like Amy Whinehouse, Lindsey Lohan and Courtney Love are roommates. Yikes. You would think my OCD tendencies would mean I have a cleaner house.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Next Please...

Why can't I just enjoy a moment? I am so worried about what comes next that I don't enjoy what is currently happening. I should be enjoying things in my life right now but I am consumed with how it will end. I don't even care if it ends badly I just want it done. Over. Finished. I should be enjoying this part. Why can't I live in the now, instead of the past or future.

I will enjoy now. I will enjoy the small moments and quit worrying about what will happen.

(quote from My So Called Life)

Right. And if you make it real, it, it's not the same. It's not... it's not yours anymore. I don't know maybe I'd rather have the fantasy, than even him.

Monday, August 16, 2010

6 books

Top six books that have altered my life.

1. Diary of Anne Frank by Anne Frank

I thought my life was not up to par but when I read this as a child it made me aware of the suffering of others. I loved Anne Frank. She was a dreamer and I was the same. A good book makes you want to inhabit that world. While I would not want to be a Jew in hiding during WWII I did want to be Anne's friend.

Favorite Quote: "Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that you don't know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!"- Anne Frank

2. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

What can I say about this book, I am sure it is on many best of lists. I fell in love with Holden Caulfield in the first two pages. I would consider him my first literary crush. Rhett Butler is second but Gone with the Wind didn't make this list. Catcher is teen angst personified and I loved that main character was as irritated by the people in his universe as I with those in mine.

Favorite Quote: All morons hate it when you call them a moron. -Holden Caulfield

3. Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery

Yes this book is syrupy sweet, but this cherished novel and the others in the series saved my life. In a time in my life where nothing was defined and I felt I had no control Anne Shirley made me feel safe. I wanted to be one of the inhabitants of Avonlea. I loved Anne and her romantic spirit. I liked how everything was so wholesome, people were good, and best of all everything worked out in the end.

Favorite Quote: "Marilla, isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"- Anne Shirley

4. White Oleander by Janet Fitch

Astrid's mother reminds me of my own minus the murder add in a sense of humor. I relate to this story of a lost girl who changes and adapts to every new situation that is forced upon her. The last 5 pages of this book make me cry every time I read them.

Favorite Quote: I hated labels anyway. People didn't fit in slots -- prostitute, housewife, saint -- like sorting the mail. We were so mutable, fluid with fear and desire, ideas and angles, changeable as water. -Astrid Magnussen

5. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

I have not traveled much in my life but this book inspires me. It makes me want to actually take the initiative to make plans. It shows a different path, one I would like to take.

Favorite Quote: "If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will protect upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else." — Elizabeth Gilbert (And I was thrilled that this quote made it into the movie.)

6. Wasted by Marya Hornbacher

Memior about eating disorders. While my issues are different I related to this book so much. Why do women hate them selves so much? This book explores that for me.

Favorite Quote: "Never, never underestimate the power of desire. If you want to live badly enough, you can live. The great question, at least for me, was: How do I decide I want to live?" — Marya Hornbacher

Friday, August 6, 2010


I have had self doubt my whole life and always made to feel like I can't accomplish anything or have anything. I will no longer allow myself to be treated poorly. You do not have permission to do that anymore.

Monday, August 2, 2010

After some editing...

I had a whole post, many many angry words to express how I feel right now. I deleted anything that was mean or complaining and this is all I have left...

I only like the me I see reflected in your eyes.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Ipod Top Six

Top six songs that make me smile.

1. Chop and Change/The Black Keys- Ahh The Black Keys it was love at first listen.
2. Cosmic Love/Florence and the Machine- If you need your mood boosted this song can do it.
3. Little Boxes/Malvina Reynolds- Weeds theme song. I love it.
4. Boots and Boys/Ke$ha- I just like this naughty little song.
5. My First Kiss/3oh!3- I want to hate this band but I love them.
6. Prima Donna/Christina Aquilera- I like a woman who has the ego to say "I'm a prima donna I can rule the world." I need to hear that kind of confidence, let some of it sink in.

Best heartbreak songs.

1. Jar of Hearts/Christina Perri- Yes I first heard this on SYTYCD like everybody else. I went to itunes and had to have it the next day. This song breaks my heart every time I hear it.
2. Lullaby/Dixie Chicks- This song only makes me sad cause I have no one to sing it to. Well I have someone only I can't sing it to them.
3. All I Can Do is Cry/Ike and Tina Turner- This song rocks. Tina Turner does a great job playing the scorned lover.
4. Samson/Regina Specktor- You are my sweetest downfall. Enough said.
5. Scratch/Kendall Payne- A song about starting over with someone. I have wished to say this many times.
6. Possibility/Lykke Li- Yes it was in a Twilight movie but this song is still great when I am sad.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I Believe In Love

I know many would be shocked to hear this from me. I suffer from what I call Anne of Green Gables syndrome. She dreamed of big romance and dreamed so much she didn't see love when it was right in front of her.

Favorite Anne Quotes:

Marilla Cuthbert: That is exactly what he should be! Would you want to marry a wicked man?
Anne Shirley: Well, I wouldn't marry anyone who was really wicked, but I think I'd like it if he could be wicked and wouldn't.

Morgan Harris: I've always held that early marriage is a sure indication of second-rate goods that had to be sold in a hurry.

I do believe and I am frustrated that it won't happen for me. I don't want money or success I only want someone to love. This is the only thing I want and yet I can't seem to get it. I have personally ruined relationships due to fear. (Or wasted time with someone who didn't feel the same)

I like to diss romantic comedys and fairytale love stories but I only dislike them because it hasn't happened for me. I want the to be rescued and I have come to learn I have to rescue myself not wait for a love to do it. I need to love me.

It will happen. I will find someone who gives me butterflies everyday. I won't settle for anything less. (Thanks to the person who gives said butterflies, it makes my whole week.)

Karma is a Bitch

Don't drop the soap. I used to work for this man and while I have no personal beef with him he wronged many people I know.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Top Six

Anyone who really knows me knows that I am obsessed with lists. I think for a while I will be compling top six lists on many topics.

So here it goes:

If you see me in a good mood it would be because of one of these things.

1. Sun- The sun lifts my mood I loathe the dark dreary winter. I love the sun even though I don't see as much of it as I would like due to my work schedule.

2. Buffy stop motion comic- I can't can't can't wait for the DVD to be released.

3. Diet Coke- Well any soda with caffeine really. I truly believe the bubbles, lift my spirits.

4. The Avengers movie- True the movie has not been made but Joss Whedon is a god and I am so excited that he is directing. I was worried it was all rumors but the cast at Comic Con showed that the deal was done.

5. New Itunes- Particuarly Christina Perri, 3oh!3, there will be many music posts to come my Ipod runs my life.

6. Norepinephrine- It is one hell of a drug especially when it is naturally made. That is all I can say on that topic.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Las Vegas

  • Various pictures. I lost interest in documenting my trip due to my lame camera.
  • New hair
  • sleepy rest stop outside of Cedar City
  • Best sandwich ever from Earl of Sandwich
  • Waiting for car at the Paris Casino
  • Eiffel tower cup I have been wanting forever
  • Also went to see my Papa Joe at the cemetery and went to visit with JG and Marie Nesmith
  • Went to see inception
  • Only gambled 15 dollars

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Dirty Minded? Me? Never!

Why do I find this so funny?

I blame my genetics, I get it from my mother. I can't help it, I inherited a dirty mind. I will forever have a 12 year old perverted boy dwelling in my soul. Notice how I refrained from saying inside me, that would have been dirty. I am trying...

(images courtesy of


I have said some negative things about folks on unemployment and disability. I shouldn't judge people and I should be lucky that I have a job(s). (for now) I guess I am just jealous cause I would love to sit home and get paid I am too much of a worker bee, I don't give up and I guess in this bad economy I have been sort of lucky. Sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I can make it through this day. I can make it through this day.


Yes I have been guilty of it many times, I have opened my big yap and said things I shouldn't have. I came across this story in the movie "Doubt" and it got me thinking.
This story is from a sermon in the movie

A woman was gossiping with a friend
about a man she hardly knew-- I
know none of you have ever done

--that night she had a dream. A
great hand appeared over her and

she was immediately seized with an
overwhelming sense of guilt.
The next day she went to
She got the old parish priest,
Father O’Rourke, and she told him
the whole thing. “Is gossiping a
sin?” she asked the old man. “Was
that the hand of God Almighty
“Should I be asking your
absolution? Father, tell me, have
I done something wrong?”
“Yes!” Father O’Rourke answered

“Yes, you ignorant, badly brought up
female! You have borne false
witness against your neighbor, you
have played fast and loose with his
reputation, and you should be
heartily ashamed!”
So the woman said she was sorry and
asked for forgiveness. “Not so
fast!” says O’Rourke. “I want you
to go home, take a pillow up on
your roof, cut it open with a
knife, and return here to me!”
So the woman went home, took a
pillow off her bed, a knife from
the drawer, went up the fire escape
to the roof, and stabbed the
Then she went back to the old
parish priest as instructed.
“Did you gut the pillow with the
knife?” he says.”Yes, Father.” “And
what was the result?” “Feathers,”
she said.
A world of feathers.
Feathers?” he repeated. “Feathers
everywhere, Father!”

She’s watching the feathers flying away on the breeze
“Now I want you to go back and
gather up every last feather that
flew out on the wind!”

“Well,” she said, “it can’t be
done. I don’t know where they went.
The wind took them all over.”

”And that
is gossip!”