Monday, May 28, 2012

Monday List

Things that bring me joy.

  1. Crystal Light with caffiene. There are not enough flavors but I love Citrus Focus and Wild Strawberry.
  2. Lost. Rewatching it currently. Lots of hot mens. I am in particularly into Sayid right now but lose it when I see Sawyer without a shirt or holding a book. Men who read are sexy.
  3. Chinese Chop Salad from Noodles and Company. Yummo.
  4. Summer.
  5. Bluebell perfume from Jo Malone. So fresh and kinda smells like watermelon.
  6. Breakfast at Tiffanys by Truman Capote finally got around to reading it and loved it even if it was a little rascist.
  7. Caitlyn Rose. Amazing alt country artist still listening to her last album.
  8. Cheering for the Special Olympics torch as it passed me while at a stop light in Spanish Fork.
  9. Roses made from magazine paper.
  10. Birds. So interesting to watch and so beautiful
What are you loving right now?

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Cellophane or Cellovain

Ageism does it exist or am I completely incompetent?

Time: 1985
Place: Mrs. Burkes kindergarten class

I am putting away my over sized men's dress shirt we use for painting when I overhear Mrs. Burke telling Heather F. about an upcoming beauty pageant. Heather has long wavy blonde hair, blue eyes and fair skin. She is lithe and beautiful, everything I am not. She responds with interest but not overly so. She is shy like myself. Speaking of myself I am seething with anger. Why isn't Mrs. Burke asking me about the pageant? Can't she see I am a future pop star/actress/artist? I am hurt, outraged and embarrassed. I realize for the first time that others might not see me as I see myself.

Present day:

None of us like to be overlooked and passed over. It sucks ;it knocks down the self esteem a few points.

Honestly until today I did not know I could be discriminated against for my age. I thought ageism did not start until you were in your 40's or older. I was wrong. I can't really go too much into the situation but I have been put in my place. I have a friend who is only a few years older than me who has gone through the same thing. She is smart, kind and a hard worker but has been overlooked as well. Maybe it isn't ageism but intelligentism? I am not sure but man I feel really old and useless right now. I was once accused of ageism at a job for not training someone on a project but it was a misunderstanding. This person not getting trained had nothing to do with her age but because I wanted her to continue with the work she was doing. I felt horrible that she thought that about me especially since that was not my intention. Maybe as we get older we can get overly sensitive. Maybe this comes from all the experience we have and we know we would be great at blah, blah, blah.  I thought all that hyper sensitivity from the teen years was over. I think it gets worse. The job market in the US is difficult and now I have a taste of just how hard it is for older people. I have known people in their fifties and forties struggling to find work. Are we too experienced? Hard to train? Too much drama? Is a young person with no experience and no brain easier to mold?

This latest failure hopefully will only motivate me more, make me set some goals and get off my arse. I have a lot of goals but not energy or motivation to see them out. I have craft, writing, fitness and tanning asspirations to attend to this summer. (yes I know I spelled aspirations wrong.)

I might momentarily be angry but the truth is this has been happening my whole life. I should be used to it.

Am I being vain to think I deserve something better? In some peoples eyes obviously I don't deser. My eyes are now set on a different horizon. One that doesn't make me feel like a loser who is stuck in a rut.  

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Open letter to the Youtube community

Warning: I was hopped up on percocet when I wrote this.

Dear Youtube community,

I am infuriated, horrified, and astounded at the cruelty of people online. I have a youtube account and many subscriptions. I enjoy many types of videos, vlogs, beauty, animals etc.

I don't understand the cruelty that people display on youtube. It seems most people don't put anything personal on their youtube account so it is pretty anonymous. Because of this anonymity they go wild and aggressively attack others. I have seen the most horrible things said to people, like telling them to kill them selves. I don't comment a lot but when I do I am always nice. While I do like to joke around and I do find many inappropriate things funny I would never want to make someone feel bad.

There is a woman and her youtube username is nanaluvstroubles. She posts vlog type videos and cover songs. She has some health problems and is not the best singer in the world. (Sorry Nana I love ya but you know this is true.) She is also not thin, she is overweight. She gets a lot if  views on her videos which benefits her. She also gets a lot of negative comments, it is like people view her videos just to make mean comments. Maybe she is a genius and knows the controversy she unleashes on youtube with every new video.

Still it boggles my mind at the cruelty people express towards her and others online. True if you put yourself out there this can happen. Why do people feel that the cloak of anonymity gives them a license to be a total douche bag. There is another channel I love it is a young girl who does tutorials on jewelery making. Her instruction is great she taught me how to make a Chinese staircase as a closure for friendship bracelets. I have seen mean comments on her channel. I really don't get it. If you don't like a video don't watch it, go back to watching nut shots or animals mating. If you really want to criticize do it in a kind way.

When I see the repulsive comments it just makes me sad for the state of our society. The world needs  more kindness and less asshattery. I know there are many sweet people who like me only say nice things but there need to be more.

That is all.

Love, Vampire Cupcake